“Clean the workspace”
Check!
“Random afternoon nap”
Check!
“Wash-up, change”
Check!
“I’m all set to sit down and memorise my sabaq now. It’s 6 pm right now, exactly one hour before the class begins.”
Sūrah Rūm’s been hard.
I sat down, switched on my laptop, and launched my go-to website for memorizing my sabaq. The website took a few minutes to load, and there,
“Sūrah Rūm”
“Verses 7 to 15”
“Repeat 10 times”
Just as I hit the play button, my mum called out,
“Sidra, Mariam, you guys need to go to Souq Al-Madina (local grocery store) and get tomatoes, onions, and potatoes.”
As if the voice echoed,
I felt betrayed,
“One hour till my class, and now this, I don’t even know my sabaq”😭
“Okay”, I surrendered.
There was no point in saying no. She needed them vegetables at that very instant, and someone had to get ‘em.
I got up, trying to be super-quick put my hijab and abaya on.
I decided not to fold my hijab that day; it was quite wide, but I let it be.
At the back of my mind, I thought, “I’m going to the grocery store, all sorts of folks there. And 6 pm, it’s the time most people rush to the grocery stores to find easy-to-cook meals after a long day at work.”
I looked at myself in the mirror, one final look before we left,
“It’s all over me, front, back, shoulders.”
“I’m letting it be today. Besides, I don’t have time for this.”
We rushed out of our building towards the grocery store. Honestly, my sister was dragging herself, I could tell. I matched her pace. So actually, none of us was rushing. It was just so I thought to make myself feel good, I think.
Into the store through the automatic sliding doors, left, straight, and then right.
Now I was actually rushing through the aisles to get to the fruit and vegetables section.
As I expected, loads of men. At the bread aisle, vegetables, dairy, everywhere.
I made my way to the potatoes. I realized I was so inexperienced at grocery shopping. I was having a hard time picking the right potatoes. I even wondered, ‘How can one tell this potato isn’t good and the one next to it is good?’
Whatever. Hurry up, Sid.
I moved on to the tomatoes.
I picked up a tomato,
“Nah, it’s too red and soft, it wouldn’t even last 2 days in the fridge.”
وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَٰتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَٰرِهِنَّ
I was taken aback for a moment.
WHAT?
Surrounded by so many people, I didn’t have the time to stand there, think about what just happened, and block the section for others. I listened to the voice coming from within and continued.
I put a couple of tomatoes in a plastic bag,
وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ
I tied the plastic bag and handed it over to my sister.
وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا
I moved on to the onions.
وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ
The voice stopped. I lowered my head and moved on.
I was surprised at how the verse just went off randomly in the middle of a grocery store. I knew the verse, the translation, the Sūrah it was from, and the context. But I had not read it in weeks. It was purely from Allah Subhanahu Wa ta’ala.
I realized how we’re mostly just looking around uselessly, without any real need to look around. We’re looking at the cashier, but we don’t know why we’re looking at him. We’re looking at every passerby, but we rarely ever stop to ask ourselves, “Why am I looking at this person?”
Allah was reminding me of something. How could I have ignored Him after this? I kept my head low, did my thing, and left the store.
Here’s the full verse,
وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَٰتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَٰرِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ ءَابَآئِهِنَّ أَوْ ءَابَآءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَآئِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَآءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَٰنِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِىٓ إِخْوَٰنِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِىٓ أَخَوَٰتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَآئِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَٰنُهُنَّ أَوِ ٱلتَّٰبِعِينَ غَيْرِ أُو۟لِى ٱلْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ ٱلرِّجَالِ أَوِ ٱلطِّفْلِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يَظْهَرُوا۟ عَلَىٰ عَوْرَٰتِ ٱلنِّسَآءِ وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّ وَتُوبُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ
“And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their chastity and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment [i.e., beauty] except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess [i.e., slaves], or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allāh in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.”
An-Nūr, 31
This was probably the second or the third time I wore the hijab with real intent. That 15-minute trip to al-Madina was more genuine than most of my years as a hijabi. As a young teenager, hijab wasn’t even a serious thing. It was more cultural than religious. It wasn’t until my late teens that I read a book (I won’t mention the name because I rarely ever suggest books), and everything was revolutionized. That day, I had thought to myself, “After being a hijabi for nearly a decade, today, as a 19-year-old, I’m wearing the hijab for the first time.” And so anytime someone would ask me how long I’d been wearing the hijab, I’d say, “It’s been a couple of months.” I remember this particular friend at school almost looking at me in horror after I said this.
“What! I cannot believe this!”
I couldn’t tell her the whole story. I just smiled. 🥲
If I’m being completely honest, I still hesitate when it comes to the verses about the hijab or generally covering. I do not blame myself for it. I have seen the abuse of these verses in my society. I have seen these being “used” against women, being used out of context, forced, imposed on women for personal gains, and for dominating women.
I get scared when I read them or when someone recites them or quotes them.
Even as I wrote this newsletter, I had second thoughts. I almost saved it as a draft for later.
I want to get rid of this fear. I wish I could experience these verses without having been exposed to all that garbage. I accepted the verse from Sūrah Nūr when Allah Subhahu Wa ta’ala reminded me of it. Because He is gentle with His creation;
ٱللَّهُ لَطِيفٌۢ بِعِبَادِهِۦ
“Allah is Ever Kind to His servants.”
Ash-Shūraa, 19
He does not impose things on me. He does not make me do things for His benefit. Rather, if He ever guides me to something good, He does so out of His love for me. The love that is pure and genuine. Allah Subhahu Wa ta’ala does not scare me into doing something. He gives me time and space to learn, understand, and grow. He does not belittle my efforts. He does not criticise me for taking time to do things that are hard for me. Rather, He tells me in the verse of Sūrah Nūr that I quoted that if I strive to do what He’s telling me to and seek His forgiveness for my shortcomings, He will make me one of those who are successful.
ذَٰلِكُمُ ٱللَّهُ رَبِّى عَلَيْهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ وَإِلَيْهِ أُنِيبُ
“…Such is God, my Lord. In Him I trust and to Him I turn,”
Ash-Shūraa, 10
I love it when my Lord holds my hand and guides me ever-so gently to what’s good for me. And I hate it when people abuse the verses of my Lord’s book, which He wrote for us out of His love, for their gain.
The society has portrayed the wrong Islam to us.
The cultural Islam has masked the beauty of the true Islam.
The cultural Islam never tells you that God loves.
The cultural Islam tells you to shut up and follow.
If you don’t, you’re deviating. You’ll be doomed to Hell.
Look for Allah. Look for His love guiding you.
Allah is Ever-Welcoming to His servants.
If you should ever find your heart empty of Allah, detached from Allah, do not despair,
فَٱنظُرْ إِلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِ رَحْمَتِ ٱللَّهِ كَيْفَ يُحْىِ ٱلْأَرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَآ ۚ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ لَمُحْىِ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ ۖ وَهُوَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ
Look, then, at the imprints of God’s mercy, how He restores the earth to life after death: this same God is the one who will return people to life after death- He has power over all things.
Allah’s mercy is vast, Ever-Encompassing. Just as He can cause the barren land to grow, flower, He can revive your heart and cause flowers to bloom in your heart, too. For Allah Subhahu Wa ta’ala, no one is ever a hopeless case, no one is ever too far gone.
Also, we should not sleepwalk through life. It shouldn’t be that His verses pass by us and we pass by them and take no lesson. We should always ask Allah Subhahu Wa ta’ala to increase us in ‘ilm so we can understand His signs.
This is it for this newsletter. I’ve deviated from the main subject, but I do not regret it. May Allah Subhahu Wa ta’ala allow us to seek His love and acceptance, and not of His creation, always.
(Any mistakes and misinterpretations are my own, and I ask Allah Subhahu Wa ta’ala to forgive me and guide me if I’m wrong.)
بَارَكَ الله لِيْ وَلَكُمْ فِي الْقُرْآنِ الْكَرِيْمِ، وَنَفَعَنِيْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ بِمَا فِيْهِ مِنَ الْآيَاتِ وَالذِّكْرِ الْحَكِيْمِ
Wassalamu‘alaykum.